Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Thank You George W. Bush

For July 4th Weekend, I'm headed to Austin, the last place George W. Bush lived before he moved into the White House. A lot of people wish he would have stayed in Texas. Not me. I think he's been extremely successful throughout his tenure in DC. Subsequently, I would personally like to thank George W. Bush for all the great things he's done over the past 7 1/2 years:

- Thank you for making a gallon of gas cost more than a gallon of Cristal.
- Thank you for making me ashamed to say I'm American anywhere outside of America.
- Thank you for making Dan Quayle look intelligent.
- Thank you for making the US dollar worth 1/15 of a Euro.
- Thank you for killing more Americans in Iraq than Iraqis in Iraq.
- Thank you for chlamydia, herpes, and anal warts.
- Thank you for hiring Ben Bernanke.
- Thank you for destroying our international diplomatic credibility.
- Thank you for infringing upon just about every civil liberty that Americans have.
- Thank you for the discontinuation of Burger King's Italian Chicken Sandwich.
- Thank you for turning a budget surplus into an inconceivable deficit.
- Thank you for appointing assholes like John Roberts and Sam Alito to the Supreme Court.
- Thank you for allowing your daughter to marry and potentially procreate.
- Thank you for the sub-prime mortgage crisis.
- Thank you for subcontracting a large portion of our war efforts to maniacs.
- Thank you for making The Love Guru suck.
- Thank you for ignoring Darfur, Somalia, and every other African country in turmoil because black people live there and they don't have as much oil as the Middle East.
- Thank you for establishing and operating the Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp.
- Thank you for fucking up the whole Katrina situation.
- Thank you for not getting Gabrielle Carteris a cameo on the remake of Beverly Hills 90210.
- Thank you for not ratifying the Kyoto Protocol and not giving a shit about greenhouse gases or anything else that will fuck up our environment for eternity.
- Thank you for not finding Osama Bin Laden.

Thank you, George W. Bush, for all you are and for all you've done!

6 comments:

Dawn Scarberry said...

Great blog.That should be printed in time magazine

Jennifer Slavin Saunders said...

Awesome way to word your view!

Chris McGuire said...

Great commentary. Glad you're back, IM! You forgot to thank W for becoming the first president to murder the English language.

Chris Onan said...

Come on Iron Mike. One guy controls the multi-trillion dollar international petroleum marketplace?

You really think that makes sense hoss?

stacey Schimberg said...

love this one!!! you are so eloquent IM!!!

travis said...

What have you got against Bernake?